Monday, September 21, 2009

Take a hint from Thumper

This weekend I overheard one woman say to another, "Oh goodness you look so tired, are you feeling ok?" To which the other woman responded, "Uhm, yeah I feel fine...."

Or how about something personal: I was at church and this lady walks up to me and says, "It looks like you're getting a cold!" "Uh, thanks?" I mean I remember telling my hubby, "I feel fine, do I look nasty or something?"

Has this ever happened to you?

I hope the people making these comments aren't trying to be mean and hurtful, but it's my guess that more often then not the people they say them to are now thinking, "Oh no, what do I look like to warrant a comment like that?!"

I'm guessing the reason for these comments is to show concern. 'Hey I notice you, and I'm thinking of you.' But to me, they certainly aren't coming across that way. Couldn't there possibly be a better way to say it?

Am I being to sensitive? Probably. But what really gets me is the gal that said it to me, it's not her first offense. It's at least the 4th time she's said something similar to me. Ouch. Really.

Do they just not have a filter? You know those people too right?

Why do we do this to each other?


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18 comments:

Victoria said...

I totally have a friend like that. I have stopped letting it bother me. She says things like, "Wow, you should always wear highlights in your hair. When it is all one color it makes you look so old!" hahahaha! Or, "I noticed your 5-year-old was wearing jeans at church today. Church clothes in the laundry, huh?" Definitely no filter. I keep telling myself she MEANS WELL. She means well, right, Debbie? :)

The Head Eagle said...

I'm pretty sure people like that just don't have a filter! I don't think you are being sensitive. I would have reacted the same way! I would die before asking someone a question like that.

Olivia Carter said...

Oh gosh! I hope I never say things like that, without thinking. SO HORRID.

I have a friend who is like that but SUPER passive aggressive (a pet peeve of mine). I'll give Syd a brownie after dinner & she'll be like, "wow, Sydney your mom is so nice to give your sugar & chocolate right before bed. Hope you don't get a tummy ache." And she's talking to Syd like Syd cares but she's really talking to me. UGH. The worst!

Rochelle said...

I hate that too. People say I look tired whenever I don't wear make-up-nope that's just how I look!

Kristina P. said...

My favorite is, "Wow, you look horrible!" Nice.

Barbaloot said...

I get asked all the time when I'm on the phone at work if I have a cold. Is my voice really that weird?

Jenni Elyse said...

That's why I never ask anyone if they're pregnant not even when it's so obvious, it's blinding. I don't want to offend the person just in case they're not. I always let them volunteer that information.

I hate it when people say stuff like that. I always try to focus on the positive when I'm telling something to someone.

Pink Flip Flops said...

I've been told something like that before. Doesn't it make you just want to turn around and be like, Oh, no I'm GREAT, but how are you doing? You look dreadful...
:D hahaha

Greg and Kimberly ... said...

When people say stuff like that I always think "What would your mother think if she knew you were being so rude?" :)

When I was pregnant with Hailey, an insensitive guy I'd never seen before said "Gaining some weight there?" Nice. Like I needed to be reminded that I look like a blimp.

I have no doubt you looked beautiful on Sunday. She must be jealous of you if she keeps saying things like that. Or clueless. Or both.

Rachel Sue said...

My favorite my neighbor. About half the time that I see her its: You look like you just woke up.

Gee. Thanks.

Erin said...

I have a cousin whose baby is two weeks old. In the last week she has had TWO people ask her if she is pregnant (because of her still somewhat-big belly, I presume) WHILE she is carrying the baby in his car seat carrier. Hello???

JennyMac said...

People are precious...and since I live in the South, we say things like "Bless your heart" to someones face when they do the Passive-aggressive comments.

Sell...Party Of 3 said...

This happens to me, and it always makes me wonder how BAD I really look. I do wonder why do this to each other...I had never thought of it though. Weird really!

Rachel B. said...

So funny! Why do we all seem to have that lame-o in our ward? I could name lists of the rude things people have been said to me (mostly when I'm pregnant), but my all time favorite was when Reese was about 6 months old, this girl in my ward (who flat out talks about how gorgeous her own daughter is all the time) said, "No offense, but my husband and I think Reese looks like a teletubby." What?! Anything starting with "no offense" can't be good. Some people really just shouldn't talk.

Kayla said...

haha! This happens to me all the time! I'm a low-maintenance kind of girl and some days I just don't feel like putting on make up. But since I'm a natural blonde I have NO color in my face at all without it, so I get the "Are you feeling okay?" question a lot.

My favorite ever though was as a teenager, my mom and I would be out shopping and when I'd come out of the dressing room she say things like, "Oh! Your complexion is looking so bad today... there must be something we can do!" HELLO! Don't ever say things like that to a self-conscious 15 year old girl and especially not in public!!!

Oh I also had a stranger ask if I was pregnant a few weeks ago, I said no, but my baby is only 3 months old. She then proceded to tell me her work out tips since it was obviously taking me so long to lose the weight! I seriously thought about taking up kick-boxing so I could kick that lady's teeth out!

H.K. said...

I had a cousin who said things like that. I once confronted her with it and she said I was too sensitive, so I stopped returning her calls and avoided her as much as possible. I want to be with people who makes me feel good, not crappy!

Stephanie ~This Army Wife~ said...

I have a friend like this also. I just ignore her for the most part but it can get irritating. Following your blog!

Susan said...

Oh no, why am I only seeing this post now?

I seriously hope it wasn't me. I try to not say things like that, but it wouldn't surprise me if I was a total knob some times. I think you are right though. I think people are trying to show concern and don't realize they are saying something that makes someone feel self-conscious.

And, Olivia, Oh my gosh. I have a friend like that too. ha ha.