Monday, November 21, 2011

Marriage Monday: Chemistry

I was flipping through a handful of my books trying to decide what to share to day and this chapter caught my eye. I think all too often it's easier for a spouse/married couple to say, "I/we fell out of love" when it could be that they decided that working at their marriage was too hard or that 'the butterflies' just weren't there anymore when again, they might have just stopped trying to find those positive, happy feelings. Marriage takes work. And I love the way the first quote starts.

"Chemistry makes everything about the marriage work better. When it's present, people get along better, they work together more effectively, and they resolve conflicts with less pain. They not only want to be around one another, they also want to hold hands, sit together in one slightly oversized chair, hug, one another, and say all kinds of 'sweet nothings' to each other. Indeed, chemistry is fundamental to a great marriage."

"Chemistry between two people is responsive to mental and emotional processes over which we have tremendous control. That's right, you can make chemistry happen. If you don't feel the flutter in your heart for your spouse that you once did, if the magic is gone from your relationship, don't panic. You can change that! I have worked clinically with several couples in an effort to determine whether chemistry can be increased, and the results have been incredibly positive. I honestly believe that chemistry can be re-created."
"Chemistry and the senses are closely linked. Understand this gives us a substantial amount of control in an arena where control is not easy to develop. In addition to the senses, chemistry is enhanced when our needs are met by someone else. It doesn't matter much what the need is that gets satisfied; the crucial thing is that a particular individual helps us get this need met. When this happens, the magic begins."

What are your thoughts?

Information from this post is found in:
Learning to Live With the Love of Your Life...and Loving It! Formerly titled The Triumphant Marriage by Neil Clark Warren, Ph.D.

You can find my other Marriage Monday's here.


Jenni Elyse said...

I definitely think chemistry is a plus in a relationship. And, it is hard to keep up, but you can. Like you said, you just have to work at it.

Thanks for this quote. :)

Kayla said...

Excellent thoughts. I'll have to share this with a few friends who have been struggling to find the spark and chemistry that they used to have in their marriages. Thanks Debbie!

Olivia Carter said...

I think Scott & I have been lucky with chemistry in our relationship but I'm terrified for the time that I won't "feel" the chemistry anymore. It's good to hear something like this and know when it fades a little it isn't gone for good.

Cranberryfries said...

Girls thanks so much for your thoughts and inputs!

Peggy Eddleman said...

I totally agree! I hadn't thought of it in terms of chemistry before, but I completely agree with the concept.

Heidi said...

When Anthony takes the baby all night so I can sleep - that is a huge need being met that makes me love him so much more.

Jessica G. said...

I don't know about you, but after a long separation (like when he's been at work ALL DAY), my heart still leaps when he walks in the door. But chemistry is something that can be created, definitely.