Where Ya Headed?
Shannan Blum Hardy, M.S.
"To live is to choose. But to choose well, you must know who you are and what you stand for, where you want to go and why you want to get there." Kofi Annan
Every successful business has what is known as a ‘business plan’. It’s the road map and structure of the business...where are you getting your financing from, what is your collateral, what is your inventory, what does your balance sheet of profits/losses look like, what are your projections for earnings, what improvements to the business do you plan on making, etc. Additionally, successful businesses are those which create and incorporate a mission statement into their daily business practices. I think we can learn something from these concepts and apply them to our marriages and families.
The part I love about Annan’s quote is “where you want to go and why you want to get there.” Basically, 1) Have your END in mind even while you BEGIN, and 2) Know your motivation. I LOVE this! So...what is your end game with regards to your marriage and then by extension, to your family? Do you know? If you’ve already written out a mission statement or motto for your family, then GREAT...and share it with us and how you use it. If not (like most of us!) try this exercise and see what develops:
Take an hour before bed tonight, grab a pen and a tablet of paper. Make two columns on the sheet of paper. On the left column just jot down words for what you want your marriage to be like, ie... “tender, funny, nurturing, uplifting, committed, spiritual, affectionate” etc. Whatever YOUR goals are. Then, in the right column, right down sentences explaining WHY you want those characteristics. “I want a tender relationship because I feel loved when I’m treated with tenderness,” or “I want humor in my marriage because I can feel like I’m lightening my husband’s load when I make him laugh”. After you complete this list...you’ll have your goals (left side) and your motivation (right side). Now, you can make them into a personal mission statement for your marriage. Or...you can do this exercise together and make it a joint venture...it might be interesting to see what the differences are between your personal ideas for your marriage and what the two of you come up with together.
At any rate...begin writing something...anything to start. Give it some time, come back to it after a few days and see if anything new strikes you. Once you get it written out...post it somewhere visible. Read it often...revise it if necessary...add to or modify it. Use it as a guide and you’ll have a much higher chance of achieving it!!
Shannan Blum Hardy received her Master's Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy from Brigham Young University in 1992 and worked full-time as a drug and alcohol counselor before becoming a full-time stay-at-home mom to her children. She is currently divorced and living with her four children in Chino Hills, California. She has re-entered the workplace as a therapist working with children in the public school system and earning hours towards private licensure. Additionally, she is a co-author with her sister-in-law of "ManagerMom: Managing Your Home for Better Parenting" which you can view at www.managermom.net. She is passionate about parenting, relationships, learning new things, growing and enjoying every moment with delight!
You can find my other Marriage Monday's here.
*Image found with google images.