Monday, May 2, 2011

Marriage Monday: Q&A on Intimacy

Guest blogging today is Julie de Azevedo Hanks, MSW, LCSW with a little Q & A from her website.

I just don't think about sex!

Q: After 10 years of marriage my husband complains that I don’t desire him physically. He feels hurt that I don’t initiate lovemaking and that I’m rarely “in the mood”. I love my husband, find him attractive, but sex rarely crosses my mind. Should I have sex even when I’m not in the mood?

A: The short answer is -- sometimes. Most people assume that sexual desire comes before sexual behavior, and that’s generally the case for men. However, the opposite is true for many women--engaging in sexual activity can awaken sexual desire. Be emotionally open to more frequent sexual encounters with your hubby even if you don’t feel the desire initially.

For many women, sex is a choice to let go -- to let go of inhibitions, of worrying about everyone else, of household or work tasks, and to focus on yourself and your partner. Choose to think about your sweetheart in a romantic and passionate way throughout the day to help prepare emotionally and mentally for intimacy.

Make clear and specific requests to your husband about what he can do to help awaken your sexual desire. Maybe you’d like him to flirt more, talk more, plan more date nights, or initiate non-sexual touch. Also, ask yourself if other potential barriers to sexual intimacy need to be addressed. Relationship stresses, depression, past abuse, health problems, or medication side effects are just a few of the many things that can impact sexual desire and arousal. Consult with your physician or therapist if sexual issues continue.

Julie de Azevedo Hanks, MSW, LCSW is a licensed therapist specializing in relationship counseling and women’s emotional health. In addition to owning Wasatch Family Therapy, she is a wife and mother of 4. For more relationship resources visit or

A BIG thanks for guest blogging today Julie!

You can find my other Marriage Monday's here.

*Image found with google images.


Jenni Elyse said...

Thank you for this post!

Kayla said...

Great advice! Thanks Debbie and Julie!